Eclipse (The Twilight Saga, Book 3) - Stephenie Meyer In the synopsis on the back of the book, it rants about bloodthirsty vampires and revenge and monsters and murder and all that evil-sounding stuff. . . . Don't believe it. What you really get by going into this book is more of Bella's whining, lots of doe-eyes, and so much fluffy filler it should be a somewhat out-of-date pie.

Seriously, I don't even know why this book was in here. It's like, Meyer spent so much time focusing on Bella's dependent whine-fest in New Moon that she forgot about Victoria. She must have realized at some point that she had to tie up that loose end, and decided to make it into an entire book. Why? $$$, obviously. So, Meyer proceeded to write hundreds of pages about how much Bella loves looking at Edward's pretty face; about how much she misses Jacob; about school; about not caring what Charlie thinks of her; about the oh-so-special history between vampires and wolves. I don't know how Meyer managed to make a book this lengthy and put NOTHING in it, but she should win a prize or something for doing it.

The murders? They're whispered about once or twice per hundred pages. You never see any of it. The bloodthirsty vampire seeking revenge? Nope, she's not even mentioned for several chapters. The giant shape-shifting monster wolves? They barely exist except as a crowd of big guys who run around with their shirts off.

Ah, yes. And then there's the constant theme of boyfriend-makes-everything-perfect. Bella couldn't walk in a straight line or count to five without slurring her words without her precious Edward. And worse? She's glad of it! Whenever she tries for one second to think for herself, he steps in and snatches that chance away, and she lets him. (The scene where he disables her car? The scene where he has to give her permission to visit her friends? The scene where Bella breaks down crying and parks her truck at the roadside, just so that Edward can come and comfort her?)

Edward, you're a sick, creepy, controlling, selfish pervert. And Bella, you're a whiny, snotty, helpless, hopeless crybaby.


Look, you made Gil cry! I'll have your heads.

Ugh. It's not just that it's insulting, either. This book is boring beyond belief. There aren't even any spoilers worth hiding, because there's just not enough substance to the book for those to exist.

But, because Elliot is a sweetheart who has as many problems with these books as I do....



He's in a good mood today. That makes me a bit happier.