Foundling  - D.M. Cornish Okay, I don't actually like using the word "hate" when describing a book, it has to be really, really bad to make me do that. So, come here, and listen very, very closely while I whisper into your ear:

I HATE THIS BOOK!!!

I should have known I was in trouble when I read the first sentence--in fact, since I tried to read the stupid thing, I've promised myself that I will read the first page of every book before I buy it. What a waste of money and life.

Rosie was not, in fact, a boy with a girl's name. He was a girl, masquerading as a boy, who couldn't be bothered to think up a boy's name for her disguise. And there were a lot of other things she couldn't think of, as well. She was one of the dumbest, whiniest, girliest wusses I've ever come across. I literally threw down the book in disgust when she got onto the WRONG SHIP and DIDN'T NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE, OR THE RIGHT SHIP THAT WAS TAILING THEM!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, silly me, the cover was so pretty that I picked it up again a week later. I tried to finish it, I really did. I think I got about 2/3 of the way through the book before I stopped for fear of developing an aneurism, and it was only a month later that I found it again by accident and looked at the excessive length of the glossary, and found out that I was almost done with the thing. Now, listen again: the reason I never noticed I was near the end, was because not a single interesting thing happened in this rambling, misguided collection of words!

When I see stuff about monsters and monster hunters on the back of a book, I fully expect to encounter monsters and monster hunters! Not some sissy crybaby who couldn't tell his big toe from his dinner.

Eurgh. Don't read it, seriously, unless you want to die of high blood pressure.