On page 71, someone was trying to tell Kaylin that she'd better watch out for herself, because the Barrani play dangerous games.
"It may not be a game of which you will disapprove. Do not needlessly antagonize him."
I think he meant to say that it WOULD be a game she'd disapprove of. Or maybe that it wouldn't be a game she'd approve of. Either way, it's backwards and has the opposite meaning of what I think he was trying to say.
On page 72, when the Consort is sick, Kaylin doesn't want to "discuss the Consort's health in front of total strangers." Let me point out that she doesn't have to, since she can speak to half the characters in the book - Lirienne, Nightshade, Severn, a couple of others whose names I forget - using telepathy. Strangers can't overhear your thoughts, can they, Kaylin?
Oh, and I will never be able to see the name "Orbaranne" without thinking of Orbonne Monastery.
My favorite game ever. Opening scene is in Orbonne Monastery. But okay, moving on.
On page 86, cue another infodump story-about-Kaylin's-past. Because why would you work this info into the story, that takes too much work! Why not just dump it all in the middle of nowhere instead? Oh, and I really don't care about the midwives guild or Kaylin's oh-so-awful emotional scars (which have nothing whatsoever to do with the current plot of this book, by the way). This book really really wants me to feel bad for her, but I just DON'T CARE. She's annoying, and I've seen it all before.
And why does Sagara use the word "dress" every single time? Why not shake it up a little and call it a gown or something? I'm so tired of hearing about "dress this" and "dress that". Not only is the dress mentioned WAAAAY too often, but it's always referred to with the same word! Grrr.
In the early 100 pages, Kaylin starts flying around because the little cat-sized dragon on her shoulder is beating his wings really, really fast. How can he possibly keep a grip on her shoulder and not hit her in the head with his wings? I assume he's facing forward, since he always is.
On page 107, when Kaylin is carrying around big 3D magic runes, I've got this:
The runes in her hands, had they been alive, would be agitated and panicked; they'd probably be screaming. She wondered if those screams would be laden with fear or joy, which was an odd thought.
I'll say it's an odd thought. What the heck was that paragraph doing in this book?
On page 119:
Kaylin's jaw would have hit floor if it hadn't been attached to the rest of her face.
Just . . . why? Of course it would hit the floor if I ripped it off her face, right? Gravity does that. Her eyeballs would also hit the floor if they weren't attached to the rest of her face, and her nose, and her ears, etc. (And yes, it says "hit floor" in the book. Not "hit the floor".)
On page 123, there's a hole in Kaylin's dress where a shard of ice pierced it. Apparently that hole matches a shard of ice in size and shape.
Let me point out that the size and shape of the ice shard were never specified, and even if they were, something being the size and shape of a shard of ice DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. Is it as big as an iceberg, or as tiny as a snowflake? Somewhere in between? Yes, no, maybe? Help me out here.
On page 125:
She didn't entirely understand the Consort, but she understood her expression: she was in charge, at the moment, and she was Not Pleased.
Nice capitalization there. What are you, nine?
On page 127, Kaylin finally has a stroke of brilliance:
When his brows rose, she added, "Long story, and probably boring to anyone who wasn't in it."
As someone who wasn't in it, let me say - IT WAS INDEED VERY BORING. All nonsensical, repetitive sixty pages of it.
On page 134, Teela, who is immortal, feels the need to remind us again that Barrani aren't human - or something. I'm actually not sure what she was doing:
"Don't frown like that--your face will get stuck that way. Immortal faces don't."
I don't have the faintest clue why she would throw on that last sentence. It has nothing to do with Kaylin's face, since Kaylin isn't immortal, and it has nothing to do with Teela's face either, since she wasn't frowning.
ON PAGE 139 WE FINALLY GOT A NIGHTSHADE SCENE. YAY. (Guess which has been the best scene in the whole book so far?) I mean, I'm reading the book FOR Nightshade, since he's the only awesome thing in the series, and supposedly he's been within five hundred yards of Kaylin throughout the entire 350-ish-page book, but I haven't actually gotten a scene where he physically comes to talk to her until now? What a waste.
On page 147:
The small dragon's claws did their usual attempt to burrow.
I have to read about how the cat-sized dragon on Kaylin's shoulder is cutting her up and biting her ears and strangling her with his tail and beating her with his wings ALL THE TIME. I mean five or ten times a page. Not only am I sick of the repetition, but I don't think it's funny. Also, after Kaylin was told that the world might end if she gets blood on the magic dress, why wouldn't she stop the dragon from abusing her like this? Oh, and despite the fact that she gets her ears bitten and her shoulders clawed up every third paragraph, apparently she never bleeds. Because if she did, there'd be blood on the dress and that = end of the world, right?
Stupid dragon. Not many dragons have ever annoyed me this much.
On page 148, Kaylin apparently develops X-ray vision, because she says she can see a wall "through Barrani back" when one of her guards jumps in front of her to keep her safe.
On page 153, Kaylin finds out that - gasp - Severn has been around here, doing cool stuff, for years! Wow! (We all know Severn has lived a seriously cool life, dealing with monsters and magicians and assassins and stuff. Why isn't he the main character of this series?)
On page 154, Lirienne feels the sudden urge to call Kaylin kyuthe, (like family), because if he didn't, we wouldn't know that it was him speaking to her. This book doesn't often add little things like "he said" or "she said" where they'd be useful, so instead of putting "Lirienne said this", we get him speaking OOC so that we know it's him speaking in the first place. Way to go, book.
On page 155, Kaylin touches Nightshade's mind, and Lirienne's, and Ynpharion's - but not Severn's. I thought she was worried about Severn? Just because she seems to forget for long periods of time that he even exists, doesn't mean she's not worried about him, right? And I know she can speak telepathically with him, she's done it before.
On page 156, we get this:
There were a lot of roots. As she'd spent a week stubbing her toes or tripping over smaller versions of the same, she recognized them.
What, Kaylin, you wouldn't recognize tree roots unless you tripped over a thousand of them first?
Someone needs to buy this girl some brains. Really.
Another typo on page 160:
"I don't know what word means in real life."
You mean "what that word means", right?
On page 163, we find out that the Consort only has eyelashes on one eye:
She closed her eyes, her lashes a dark, trembling fan against her pale skin.
Only one fan. Singular. Wow. And I always imagined that the Consort had eyelashes on both eyes.
Anyway, this is the end of this rant. I'll keep going all day if I go any longer. I should just sit down and finish the book, huh? Then I could read something worthwhile.
Like Dream Thieves, which is still on my currently-reading tab. Hm.