BreakRaven

"Let's think of something I'm passionate about."

 

This one shouldn't take him long to figure out. Some football topic or sports related issue had to be swirling around in his head. I reached over to open the notebook. "Got any ideas?" I asked.

 

He appeared deep in thought. It surprised me a little. How deep could one get when it came to football? "The importance of adoption."

 

I started to write down his answer as his words slowly sank in Adoption? He wanted to write about adoption? "Okay," I replied wondering if he would elaborate on why he wanted to discuss this. I completely agreed with him, but how could Mr. Popular be passionate about something so important?

Oh no, how dare the guy actually have a working brain in his head! How dare he talk about anything except football! How dare he actually have a valid opinion on any subject besides sports, just because he plays football? How dare he pick a subject that might actually matter? *sarcasm*

I mean, disliking the guy is fine. Expecting him to be an arrogant jerk is fine, if you've based this opinion off of past experience or observations. But actually being surprised that he has a brain, just because he likes sports, is - is - I can't even.........

I mean, even if you enjoy or play sports, you're still human, and you still have turning cogs in your brain, right? (I know people don't actually have cogs in their brains. You know what I mean.) Not all sports fans, even jocks, are idiotic trolls. That's a stereotype that I hate. Real people are more complex than that. -__-

I mean, I'll probably hate Leif, here, too. But at least I'm not assuming he's brain-dead like Pagan is. I at least need evidence before I decide.

"Impressive. A female with enough nerve to admit she can be wrong, apologize, and offer to rectify the situation."

Oh, so the love interest is sexist, too. 

(The reflection of Worf's hand on the table is identical to Riker's next to him: it makes his fingers look white.)

Of course, Pagan only did any of that so that she can gain credit as a tutor - so it was still selfish of her and she doesn't even deserve that much of a compliment.....but still.

He'd startled me but I recognized the deep drawl.

The first time you mentioned the "deep drawl", you said it was familiar. The first time. Why is it not familiar now, since this is officially your second time hearing it?

And why do so many supposed-to-be-attractive characters have a drawl, anyway? I think it's annoying. I mean, it's not a person's fault how he or she speaks, but it's an odd coincidence that no short, overweight little guys with big ears and glasses ever have a "deep drawl".

"Leif 'rocking-hot-make-you-melt' Montgomery asked you to help him in Speech and you turned him down? Are you as insane as I think you are? I mean really, Pagan, I thought the insaneness you so often slash about was just for show and deep down you did have some common sense."

Would Miranda be saying any of this if Craig with the gas problems was the one Pagan had turned down? I don't think so.

Which makes her a stupid witch who doesn't care about anything except people's physical appearances....sigh. Could the author please have imbued this girl with just a little bit of redeeming or at least interesting personality? It's one thing to have a crush on a guy and another TO HAVE NOTHING ELSE IN YOUR BRAIN.

"...He and I seem to be able to talk for hours. I love his mind and he has traveled all over the world. My mind is always turning when he talks of places and things I've never seen."

 

...............

 

I raised my eyebrows and leaned close to her. "And he's a hottie."

 

She giggled, which was not a normal sound for my mom to make. "Oh, now that's not why I like him. It's his mind and the conversation."

 

"I laughed out loud. Sure it is, Mom, you just keep telling yourself that lie."

Uhhhh, why exactly does Pagan not believe her mom when she says she likes the guy for his personality? She actually refuses to believe it and calls it a lie.

Is it so impossible to actually enjoy a guy's company, to like hanging out with him and talking with him more than looking at his face? Really? Because on the list of things that make me like a person, APPEARANCE IS NOT EVEN A FACTOR.

Mad-Eye Moody is hideous, and I love him to pieces. I adore the guy, I think he's hilarious and genius and awesome in every way.

Edward Cullen is an annoying, whiny, possessive creep who won't let his girlfriend visit her friends, he won't trust her judgement, he won't let her live her life the way she wants to even when it's not hurting her or anybody else. I do not care that he's pretty to look at. I despise him.

-__-

So quit it, Pagan, because maybe your mom actually likes the guy for who he is and not what he looks like, and if she did that would be a good thing.

Did I mention that all the characters in this book have ordinary names like "Miranda" and "Leif" and "Wyatt" - real names that are often attached to real people, you know?

But the oh-so-special main character is called "Pagan."

PAGAN.

Really? I mean......really?

I made it to Chapter 2!!! YES!!!

*exhausted panting/wheezing*

Sure enough, she started shaking her head causing her brown curls to bounce back and forth.

Commas. Commas. COMMAS!!!

"I know what happened, Pagan. I don't want to talk it out with him. He's a big, cheating liar." She took a violent chomp out of her Granny Smith apple and continued glaring in Wyatt's direction. "Look at him acting like he fits in over at that table. I mean, really, who does he think he is?"

I followed her gaze. Wyatt sat leaning back in a chair, laughing at something another basketball player was saying. They all seemed pleased to have Wyatt in their presence. Normally he sat with us. This year things would be different.

Wow, Miranda is a witch. I mean, she scares the guy off and says she hates him, so he leaves her in peace and goes to hang out with his other friends who actually appreciate him, and she has the gall to insult him for it?

How dare he have a life away from her? How dare he have other friends than her and the MC? *sarcasm*

Gah. I despise people like Miranda. As far as I'm concerned, the dude can hang out with whomever he wants, since Miranda doesn't want him around - and even if she did want him around, the dude would still have the right to hang out with his other friends if he felt like it.

".....All ya'll want to do is take cheap shots at each other."

Hahaha, wait, did she just misspell "Y'all"?

Here. Y'all is a squashed form of "You all", like "Don't" is "Do not". You PUT THE APOSTROPHE WHERE THERE ARE MISSING LETTERS, as in the second "O" in "Not" and the "Ou" in "You". Therefore, the correct spelling of "Y'all" does not have an apostrophe between the A and the L. 

Did anybody even edit this book?

I took another bite of my sandwich, not wanting to answer her question. I didn't care who Leif Montgomery hooked up with but, yes, I felt most certain he would hook back up with Kendra. They happen to be the 'golden couple'. Everyone knew this and expected it. Their type always lived up to their name.

First - gosh, MC, why are you even friends with Miranda if you always ignore her, dump her and refuse to talk to her? She can only talk about one thing, you know, she's only cardboard - you need to be understanding and supportive.

Or just get rid of her and make better friends, because honestly, I wouldn't waste my breath talking to her, either.

Second - it says "they happen to be the 'golden couple'". Present tense. But the rest of that paragraph was written in past tense. Are they still the golden couple in the MC's present day, from whenever she's writing this narrative? Or can she just not get her tenses straight?

"There goes his perfectness now."

Um, first, girl, he's not perfect just because he's attractive. He ignores you constantly, doesn't that hint at a bad personality?

And second, normally that would be written as "His Perfectness", because it just looks pathetic when it's in total lowercase.

"Hate it, I mean, like hate it in a big way," Miranda grumbled as she dropped her lunch tray down on the table with a loud clank. "If I have to sit through Algebra and Chemistry all morning, you'd think that I at least could've a little eye candy in one of my classes. But noooooo! I get Gretchen with her relentless sniffles and Craig with his gas issues."

Wow, this Girl Friend A is a serious witch. Let me analyze that paragraph for a sec.

First, she set her tray down with a "loud clank". Wow. How much does that lunch tray weigh, thirty pounds?

Second, she reaffirms here that she has no life except for looking at pretty boys, and she has no use for anyone who isn't gorgeous. It's not Gretchen's fault that she has the sniffles or Craig's fault that he has gas problems, good grief! If Miranda came down with the sniffles, would she want people to say snide things about her behind her back?

Third, the girl obviously doesn't care about learning anything at school. Of course we can't have an intelligent female character, so we get the brainless one who hates learning and only cares about ogling good-looking boys.

Sigh.

I'd always ignored these pesky souls before and they'd gone away.

If you tell me that one more time I'll have to start thinking violent thoughts, girl.

Also, hey, why do YA PNR books always tag fancy non-direct names to their inhuman element? It's never "werewolves", it's "shifters". It's never "ghosts", it's "souls". And so on. Vampires have too many fake little pet names to even count. -__- Why not just call them what they are and stop trying to start silly trends already?

It took extreme willpower to turn my gaze away from him and focus my attention on the board where Mr. Brown had written our assignment.

Whoah. Actually, with five minutes left until the start of class, the teacher magically appeared and started writing stuff on the blackboard! He must be Batman or something to sneak in without anyone noticing him.

"Wyatt, what's up, Slim," Justin Gregory called out as he made his way toward us.

Wouldn't you either call him "Slim" or "Wyatt"? Not both? I assume the guy would know you're talking to him no matter what?

Also, the MC told me this classroom would probably be completely empty for four minutes, but it's actually been more like ten seconds and people are pouring in. This girl has a terrible grasp of time.

For me it hadn't been a choice really but I didn't want to explain the reason to Wyatt or anyone else.

Commas, please! I'm begging here!! Come save me from these comma-free mountains of clumsy words!!!